Birth Story

 Henry David Forsyth was born on Tuesday, April 14, 2020 at 4:56pm. 

It wasn't a super intense delivery...until he actually came out. When the doctor broke my water, she noticed a small amount of meconium, and had the NICU on standby; protocol. She didn't seem too concerned about it, so I wasn't too concerned. It's pretty common, so they know what to do. 

Well, Henry came out grunting and not really crying so he was immediately rushed to the NICU team to look him over. While that was happening, my body decided to hemorrhage and I crashed pretty quick. Poor Jeremy standing in the background watching his son being worked on and his wife bleeding out was not exactly the best experience for him. I vaguely remember asking for him to see if he was ok. 

The doctors got me taken care of, but they rushed Henry to the NICU. Initially, they said he had underdeveloped lungs and was having trouble breathing. He was on oxygen for about 9 days and had a feeding tube for the first week. 

As a new mom, I was concerned, but a lot of 'healthy' kids are in the NICU at first and both my step kids had been in the NICU when they were born and I guess I just thought it was ok. Henry just needed a little extra help, but he'll be ok. He had 10 fingers, 10 toes and looked healthy. 

As the days went on in the NICU, neurologists had concerns of some genetic 'issues' that were popping up. His eyes were smaller then normal and not opening as they should. He fisted his hands with thumbs underneath, his feet had some tick to them. I honestly can't remember every detail in the NICU because it was so overwhelming. We got different information and concerns and things to look for that you kind of find yourself floating through it. Trusting that these doctors are going to help. They'll do what he needs.

And while I believe they did, it was a very emotional rollercoaster during those 10 days. Because of COVID, only one parent was allowed to visit the NICU. No switching days/time's, etc. Of course, it was going to be me. So I visited everyday, held his hand, talked to him. Got to hold him after a couple days and just tried to understand what was happening, but let me tell you doing that alone as a first time mom was HARD. 

I was able to call and FaceTime Jeremy when nurses or doctors gave us updates on what was going on, but when the doctor thought we'd need to see a neurologist and an ophthalmologist; that's when things start getting real. It should be protocol that new moms have a support person during every doc conversation after birth. Your mind if everywhere, your emotions are everywhere, your hormones are everywhere, you are exhausted...information doesn't process the right way and it's extremely overwhelming to try to listen and do and know everything. 

Henry finally was able to come off oxygen, passed all his newborn tests to be released and came home the following Friday. 

That was a tough couple weeks. I look back now and I just know I pushed so many emotions down. I flipped into 'mom' mode and just did what needed to be done. Don't get me wrong, I shed many a tears, shared a handful of choice words with God and didn't want to accept what was happening, but at the same time, I spent so much energy on Henry. What was going on, what he needed, appointments, etc, that I let myself get buried in the mix of everything happening. 

We walked away from the NICU thankful he was ok to come home, but with so many questions unanswered and worries about what his life would be. I can honestly say, I really didn't think that this is what our lives were going to be. I'm sure no one actually does, but still. It's such a weird emotional place to be. 

As a new mom, the hormones are already crazy, but add on the fact that doctors think something might be seriously wrong with your baby, throwing around words of specialist, neurologists, blind, etc and this mama was a MESS. 

Henry was referred to an ophthalmologist at two weeks old. We found out that he was born with double cataracts. Something you do not want to hear about your new baby. I don't know how I got through that first consult without breaking down. I remember Jeremy sitting in the parking lot, because he wasn't allowed into the doctors office. I called him so he could hear what the doctor had to say and I don't think I processed what the outcome could be. It wasn't until I was back to the car, putting Henry in that I broke down and realized that our son might be blind. And that might really be the beginning of it all. The straw that broke all the 'this isn't really happening' thoughts to, oh my gosh something might really be wrong with my child. 

The next 15 months have been filled with surgeries, doctor visits, tests, unknowns, worry, questions, you name it. This boy has been through it and he isn't done yet. We are determined to get him whatever he needs to either improve his life or make it easier on him, but it is daily sometimes, figuring out what those needs are. 

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