An Undiagnosed Life

 Y'all...being a mom is hard, right? My experience is one of attempting to know the boundaries and lines of being a stepmom and then having a special needs child, but I know all mom's can relate in some way! I will say that the first 8-9 months of Henry's life, for me, is a blur. I cried A LOT. I grieved so much for what I thought should have been should be, but I did it on the inside and pushed so much down. I did not deal with a lot of my emotions because I was doing what needed to be done and I didn't have time to fall apart. I needed to be there for my son. I needed to help him in whatever ways he needed.  Gosh, it was, and sometimes still is, such a rollercoaster of emotions. We just didn't get any solid answers from anyone and it seems like no one was really wanting to help. I cannot tell you the ups and downs of all the things we thought might be Henry's challenges. The thoughts of updating our house for wheelchair access, long-term care, etc. And those ...

The ramblings of a tired mama... This mama is tired.  Exhausted to the bone some days.  She doesn't sleep well and her mind never stops.  But, like most, she treks on.  Continues to do what needs to be done.  Because what are the other options? Falling apart is definitely not going to help.  I have to be strong for my family and my son, especially.  BUT I realized I am allowed to fall apart sometimes. I am allowed to feel what I feel. I am allowed to take a minute to cry, scream, be frustrated, or just be.  If I don't get those moments everyone feels it. Everyone gets let down and everyone has a bad day.  Believe me it has occurred often in our house, but less and less these days. I don't know if it's because I'm trying to give myself more grace or slowly coming to terms that this is our 'norm'.  The amount of times that I have felt just absolutely defeated over the last year are probably more days than I've felt 'good'.  Henry is d...

 Henry David Forsyth was born on Tuesday, April 14, 2020 at 4:56pm.  It wasn't a super intense delivery...until he actually came out. When the doctor broke my water, she noticed a small amount of meconium, and had the NICU on standby; protocol. She didn't seem too concerned about it, so I wasn't too concerned. It's pretty common, so they know what to do.  Well, Henry came out grunting and not really crying so he was immediately rushed to the NICU team to look him over. While that was happening, my body decided to hemorrhage and I crashed pretty quick. Poor Jeremy standing in the background watching his son being worked on and his wife bleeding out was not exactly the best experience for him. I vaguely remember asking for him to see if he was ok.  The doctors got me taken care of, but they rushed Henry to the NICU. Initially, they said he had underdeveloped lungs and was having trouble breathing. He was on oxygen for about 9 days and had a feeding tube for the first w...